How to reframe the narrative of childhood trauma. | CPTSD Coach
How to reframe the narrative of childhood trauma
What does it mean to be the hero of your story? I often say these words to myself and you as the reader, and I find myself wondering if I have genuinely explained them in a way that can help you create change in your life. I think about the idea of narrative and how each day we craft the life that we want to have. Each day when we wake up, decide to get out of bed, walk out the door, and step into life, we do so on our terms. We also make the decision not to, and sometimes that is what we need. Creating a self-narrative is about stepping into your truth and what you want, need, and are interested in. This can be a hard concept, especially when you come from trauma because it has been reinforced by circumstances that you are not allowed to have those things.
I spent the entirety of the first twenty-eight years of my life in that place; in The Vortex of being trapped by a theme which told me that I was not only not good enough but that I would NEVER be good enough and the worse part about that is that I believed them. They must have been right, right? I took every opportunity to allow myself to reinforce that notion at every turn. I didn’t take care of myself or the people around me, I didn’t eat, sleep, or healthily move my body, I didn’t do the work, and I damn sure didn’t have any self-esteem. The thing about trauma that we often overlook is that the ramifications of the experience, i.e., the long-term impact, is how we craft the narrative to allow ourselves to exist. My story was - You are not good enough. You suck. You deserve to be miserable. And no one loves you. Your mother cut off your finger, your step-father beat you unconscious, your friends beat you up, and you are a loser. The truth of that is it is real only because I allowed it to be.
How do you begin to heal childhood trauma?
Think about this. Who is the protagonist in a superhero movie? It’s always the same thing: Hero is a loser. Hero gets his ass kicked all the time. Hero has no love life. Hero is shit on at every turn. Hero hits rock bottom. Hero stumbles into some power/ability. Hero starts creating change. Hero falls back to old thoughts and habits. Hero makes a CHOICE to show up—hero figures out that they are not good enough yet. Insert montage. Suddenly, they are faced with a choice that changes everything, and they are forced to ask themselves what am I willing to do to have the life that I want?
This process of becoming the hero of your own story is so imbued in how you think about yourself in the world. If you say you can’t well, then that will be true. Suppose you allow yourself the space to force the idea of capability into your brain, then in time, through reframing and restructuring, you create new neural pathways. In that case, you will begin slowly and progressively, creating a new narrative. We are often faced with the idea that we can’t do something. I would argue that you are likely in your way and stuck in someone else’s bullshit narrative of the story that they want you to live in, but you have accepted it as fate.
I look at my life very much like the hero’s journey because every day, I choose to carry both my physical and emotional scars into battle with the idea that I will always have to face the shadow side of me, which was embedded in my childhood. There will always be a little whisper that says Michael, you aren’t good enough. And do you know what I say to that? FUCK THAT SHIT. The ONLY thing that will stop you is you. Yes, it will take time to build and reframe, and the word patience will become your best friend, but between now and the moment that you wake up and put your feet on the ground and everything is different, you have a choice to make.
Being the HERO of your own story is a choice and, in that choice, it is challenging yourself to create your path, discover your superpower, and get the fuck out of your way. Only you get to decide what happens next.