Walking through a world filled with Corona Virus or COVID19 as a trauma survivor
Surviving Corona Virus as a trauma survivor
This morning I went for a walk. The crisp air was a reminder that I'm still alive. The streets were a ghost town for the most part. The people I passed were both young and old. They didn't seem much too concerned about their eventual demise as we smiled and said good morning. The sun made the droplets of water on the grass glisten and I heard birds chirping. It is in fact the first day of spring and the warm coffee in my cup and an embrace of the day reminded me that sometimes we have to appreciate what we have even during chaotic times. Afterall, what good is the kiss of a lover when you're too scared to feel? I can't help but invite the questions that riddle my mind as I seek clarity that I'll likely not find.
I reflect back and can't help but think that I word for word had all the symptoms of covid in December. I read the reports from the CDC and WHO and checked them against my experience. For 17 days I was the most sick I have ever been. From Christmas eve on I was bedridden and could not function. It came on suddenly and drastically and was unlike any sickness I've known. Multiple people I know and I were the most sick we have ever been. I'm willing to say with confidence that I very likely had this virus in December. I was so sick I thought I was going to die. This is true of so many people I know who had the same experience. I could be wrong and there is no test to prove it, but it adds up. Which leads me to this question, at what other point in Human history have we taken such drastic measures for something so minor? I don't say minor to disregard the people whose lives have been lost or those that will but realistically on a long enough time line we all die. In world of 7.7 billion people who do we create such panic and chaos when realistically such a small percentage of people are being impacted? How do I even write that without seeming callous and unkind? I don't believe people are statistics and I don't know how I'd make the call if I had to choose between someone living and dying. I fully expect that I won't make it out of this thing we call life alive but how can I possibly live when fear is the catalyst for everything I do? Perhaps I'm foolish but I don't think what is happening right now warrants the response. So here's where I'm really torn...
On one hand you mitigate risk and remove as many factors as possible to potentially and preemptively rid the world of a Black Plague type event. On the other hand we say that we must live our lives. More human beings will die at the hands of other human beings than will die by Corona Virus today. Just under 500,000 people will be murdered worldwide this year. I don't know if that number creates a justifiable context but it is something to consider. What drastic changes have been made to counter those stats? To be frank, I'm not afraid to die. I've seen the worst of humanity and I've seen the best. I'd rather die happy than cowering in a corner. We far too often are convinced that the media and our government for that matter have our best interest in mind. Maybe it's control...Perhaps?
So what do we do? How do we live when we're told to stay inside, away from people and consume the fear? Where's the relief? Where is the break? I just don't know...but I do know that tomorrow the sun will shine, the birds will sing, I'll have my morning coffee, and whether or not I make it through the day, life will go on.