I don't think that it would be unfair for me to say that I'm a proponent of self-love. I have said it again and again that self-love is the catalyst to creating change and healing in your life, and there's no question that when you take into consideration the idea that self-love comes from within yourself that it has to start with you!

I was thinking about this the other day, and it dawned on me that self-love, unfortunately, isn't always enough when it comes to healing childhood trauma. What do I mean by that? I have been on a journey of self-love for really the entirety of my life, from childhood through my teens until now. I thought to myself, okay, if self-love was enough to make me happy, then what about all the other things that I do? What role does routine and self-care play if self-love is the catalyst that creates change and makes me inspired and drives me. What gets me out of bed in the morning and helps me with depression and anxiety and Suicidal Thoughts? In these thoughts I discovered that is that self-love important but is not enough!

You can love yourself in your entirety, but I don't think that's enough to get you to where it is that you want to go in life. This is going to depend person-to-person, and not everyone wants to do what I do with my life. Not everyone seeks greatness or wishes to change other people's lives or impact the world and that is okay. I want to do those things but I also want to be happy, healthy, and sustainable. I think we all can agree that after child abuse we want those things as well. I want to be great and so I challenge myself. Challenging myself to be better is innate and that drive says - Michael be great. But self-love alone will not lead to greatness. Self-love alone will not be enough to get out of bed. We must have purpose. Purpose can be be literally anything but it must exist. Because of seeking purpose and dissecting this idea of self-love recently, I've concluded that for me to be happy, to be healthy, to be content, to be loved, and to feel like to be a human being, I have to hold myself accountable to the idea that I must be a purpose driven person.

Enter accountability.

I think accountability is the number one factor when I think about self-love. It is so important that you wake up in the morning; you put your feet on the ground, and you're good, but it doesn't mean that you're great; it just means that you're good. You are continually doing an inventory, but I don't think that's enough because if you want to push and you want to become the best version of yourself, good is not good enough. Accountability means doing the shit that you don’t want to do so that you can be that best version of you. It’s holding yourself to a higher standard.

To seek a better understanding of who they are; you have to challenge yourself! You have to put yourself in excessively uncomfortable situations so that you can grow! What do I mean by that? Let me put it this way-I am lazy! Without question! You're probably thinking to yourself - that's insane Michael you've written books about trauma, traveled the world, you have a podcast and workshops. I get it but, I am so incredibly lazy. I cannot explain to you how I would much rather play video games all day, eat pizza, drink coffee, and watch cartoons all night than spend one-second recording a podcast or writing a book! This is not a joke. I am super lazy! However, because I hold myself to a higher standard of accountability and excellence while challenging myself, I refuse to let that be my reality, and that is so incredibly uncomfortable to me. There's nothing more painful than putting myself in a position of doing stuff that I don't want to do.

Being uncomfortable is one layer to create what it is that you want, but it is only one piece of the puzzle. Are you willing to hold yourself more accountable than you ever have before by doing uncomfortable things? Humans are always in this state of frame where we go about life nonchalantly and wonder why nothing changes. Growth doesn't happen in your comfort zone. You've seen the mental health memes, you've read the child abuse blog posts, you've listened to the self help podcasts, but I want to hit this home: growth does not happen in your comfort zone! You have to be willing to step out. You have to be willing to go a little bit harder! You have to be willing to say- you know what, today is the day that I'm going to do that thing that I do not want to do!

From there, you get into this thing called consistency. I won't lie; I battle with consistency because I'm a very black and white person. It is either all on or all off, and I think consistency sometimes falls into the gray area. I'm working on consistency, knowing that it is what it's going to take to get to the next level. Consistency is uncomfortable for me, but that is how I grow.

To be great, we must also reward ourselves. Reward is an area that I don't think is discussed enough in any literature that I've read recently. We have got to pay ourselves for the amazing things that we do. I doesn’t have to be monetary but acknowledgement of yourself goes a long way. Even if the only thing you do is put on your shoes and walking around the block, you must start saying thank you to yourself for showing up for you! You've got to reward yourself.

Self-love is not enough, but it is the beginning. Self-love is the place where we start. Add challenges, accountability, acknowledgement, and consistency and you will start the process of healing trauma. If you want to seek greatness, if you're going to see change, and if you truly want to become the hero of your own story, then you have to step up a little bit more!

Until next time my friends,

Be Unbroken

-Michael