An open letter about childhood trauma education.

The biggest elephant in the room of mental health is child abuse. The biggest lie in society in 2019 is that once you are no longer a child that you are no longer impacted by child abuse. The sad truth of today is that we are lead to believe that if you have been abused the best course of action is to just "deal" with it. To a point, I agree, but that is not the entire story. Today in America, five children will die in their homes. That does not take into consideration the thousands that will be abused mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually. 

I am going to ask myself a question that I proposed, why is education around childhood trauma not more prevalent? I am also going to answer that question. These are my thoughts:

There is no question that education needs to be at the forefront of the battle lines in this war. We own it to ourselves to not only educate ourselves about trauma, and its impacts, but also to create spaces in which access to information can be had without shame, guilt, or prejudice. 

In writing this, I am going to get push back, and that's OK because I want this conversation to be had. We have to take into consideration that intensive mental health care treatment is a possible effaceable option for abusers. If hurt people hurt people, then we have to acknowledge that those hurt people are only doing what has been embedded in them. The mental health care options that are in place now are abysmal and are not going to curb future occurrences of abuse. It's high time that as a society, we stop condemning all abusers. This is not to be flippant, but some of these people are only doing what they have been taught and are recreating their own experiences. It's not out of the realm of possibility that people who beat and molest children were likely also beaten and molested. I was molested, and I see so many people share thoughts and wishes of killing and maiming violators, but I can't see the light in that. Perhaps, in some scenarios, there is just cause, but I can't help but wonder how many of those people must have been hurt to in return, hurt others?

Which leads to another issue, and that is that most children don't know that they are being hurt. Education around abuse should be mandatory in schools. I don't think "good touch, bad touch" is good enough. We also have to educate about malnutrition, homelessness, manipulative adults, and the mental and emotional abuse that also factors into the home lives of kids. Most children don't know that what is happening in their homes is not normal. I thought it was usual for my brothers and me to sleep on concrete floors, with no food, and being hurt daily. There needs to be more programming in the education system from kindergarten through high school that educates children about what abuse is. So then, where does the curriculum come from? Our experiences as survivors, educators, and advocates.

The inevitable question then comes, what happens on the backside of children reporting abuse? Well, that's where things get hard, and you have to take into consideration that some kids hate their parents or want to see them suffer with no just cause. Safety in reporting abuse is such a slippery slope, so we must be sure that we evaluate all sides of any claims of abuse. I say this first hand because there were multiple times that the police came to our home when I was young, but nothing happened. My mother and stepfather paid no consequences for their actions. While I recognize that this does happen more often than not, I can't see the justification in throwing the book at everyone at the drop of a dime. I don't want innocent people to get in trouble.

When found guilty, there must be more stringent repercussions for abusers of children. There has to be accountability that shifts our thoughts beyond the "don't ask don't tell" or "this isn't our problem" mindset. Avoidance of the truth is far too common across the board, and it is killing the children of the world. Children are being hurt, and somehow, they are being swept under the rug. If someone robs a bank or is caught with drugs, there are severe penalties. Punishment or treatment is not the case for many perpetrators of abuse. I also rationalize that this is because most cases of abuse are never reported. When police intervention happens, there should be mandatory periods in which observation occurs and that parents/guardians/caretakers are made culpable for their actions. This, of course, means creating a way for children to get in contact with authorities safely. Most children don't realize that they can seek help, or worse, they are abused even more once they do. 

I know that there are a HUGE lack of resources available to children when they are abused. I don't think any of us are blind to this. Taking funding into consideration, many abused children remain in the homes of the caretakers who caused the abuse because there is nowhere else for them to go, literally. Children being stuck in unsafe homes is perhaps the most immediate problem that needs to be contended with. However, the resources to give haven to millions of children in the United States alone is an undertaking that is seemingly impossible because funds don't exist. Removing every child who files a report is not the only solution but a viable starting point.

There have been multiple studies like the ACE Study that point to the long term impact on health due to childhood trauma. Child abuse is costing most governments TRILLIONS of dollars a year in health-related expenses. I am a proponent for ACE questionnaires being conducted privately and without parents or guardians by practitioners during check-ups. These questionnaires should also take place whenever children arrive for medical care due to possible signs of abuse. The safety of a doctors office could be a fantastic place for intervention, but again, this is an issue of resources. Yes, I realize that even doctors offices are not always a safe place. Creating this change is another point that is very complicated, but very feasible and can be implemented in our lifetime.

The overriding and most significant factor in the lack of educational resources is that there is stigma, shame, and taboo associated with being an adult survivor of child abuse. The silence of trauma survivors has become the antithesis of "the squeaky wheel gets the grease." I have lived this first hand. It can be incredibly embarrassing for many adults to share about being violated as children. That said, I think it is imperative that more adults step forward and share their story and raise their voice because awareness is a component that cannot be overlooked. Using my voice is why I created www.thinkunbroken.com/chapterone, I have chosen to be a voice not because I want to be, but because I have to be. I can assure you that if I could live without trauma that would have been ideal, but I don't get that choice. Thus, I have decided to speak for those that cannot or are too afraid to speak for themselves.

As an adult survivor of child abuse, I believe that it is my responsibility to break the cycle of abuse and to give other survivors the same tools that I have implemented to save my own life to elicit change. Ultimately tackling the elephant in the room will take a village. There is no right or wrong way to do this as long as we do it with the same end goal of creating a more safe world. The power of change comes in community and us coming together as a team of people who demand change and protection for children. 

This is such a small piece of the ideas that are floating around in my head about this. I think about it day and night and am part consumed and part obsessed with the impact of our voices. 

So, how do we make education about childhood trauma more prevalent? We scream from the top of every mountain. We speak. We Stand. We find hope in knowing that we are not alone.

#ThinkUnbroken